Only a quarter of students satisfied with hangovers

Only a quarter of students in the UK were satisfied with their hangovers during the pandemic.

An annual survey found that the majority of students felt they had missed out on quality university hangovers as advertised on Hollyoaks or The Inbetweeners, whilst only 3% of students said they were thrown out of their students’ unions after a punch-up with security since March 2020, down 89% on 2019.

These were the lowest-ever hangover satisfaction ratings in the survey going back to 1854, in a report produced by a higher education drink tank.

One student said: “Being drunk on The Sims University just isn’t the same”.

Another said: “Drinking a bottle of Strongbow whilst self-isolating with a household bubble you despise just isn’t worth £9,250”.

Responding to the survey, the oFFS urged institutions to be more transparent with students about how much face-to-toilet action they are likely to receive next academic year so that they have “realistic expectations of one-night stands they will come to regret”.

While some universities have said they will turn a blind eye to piss-ups in the campus woods, other university websites are vague about their pitchers and £1 shots.

Education Secretary Wavin Gilliamson, responding to the survey, suggested universities in England should replace campus bars with statues of the Queen.


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