Covid-19 Community Pledge

This month we welcome 3,000 revenue streams back to campus - from all parts of the UK, with varying levels of Covid-19 symptoms. To appear that we’re doing our bit, we ask all student to consider signing up to our optional and totally non-compulsory Covid-19 community pledge:

I pledge to maintain physical distancing, unless it’s with the rugby lads and hockey girls I haven’t seen for the last three months. Shots, shots, shots!

I pledge to wear a face covering during one night stands. If I have a medical condition that prevents me from wearing a face covering, I will wear a Covid-19 chastity belt, built to order by The Fred Dibnah School of Engineering.

I pledge to dispose of my face mask in the campus lake.

If I develop Covid-19 symptoms, I pledge to attend my lab sessions for the next five days until I am bedbound, and only then will I contact Student Support.

I will do my uttermost best to wash my hands after a poo, and use hand sanitiser which I stole from the reception area of the School of Humanities after a wee.

I pledge to follow campus signage and one way systems, apart from when I‘m late for the overcrowded bus.

We're a parody university, obviously. You can find us on Twitter at @BantshireUni.