Parking arrangements for 2021/22

Ahoy-hoy colleagues,

I hope you are keeping well and enjoying the football / weather / marking (Deb, please delete as appropriate before publishing, cheers -VC).

As you may be aware from overheard discussions at the Executive Strategy BBQ last week, over the last 12 months we’ve seen a significant decrease in the number of cars parked in campus car parks.

Our Elite Parking Enforcement Squad (EPES) first noticed this unexpected trend in April 2020, and have since only ticketed 7% of the number of vehicles they usually would. This has taken a significant hit on their annual high vis jackets budget.

We can only assume the decrease is thanks entirely to our Sustainable University Vehicles (SUV) policy, a report from 2016 on the joys of travelling by bus by consultants KGMP. You’ll remember it, the front cover had a photo of a polar bear riding the number 69 bus to campus.

As such, from August 2021 we will be closing three of the four remaining staff and student car parks - losing a fantastic 3,500 spaces in total. These will be landscaped into Staff Wellness and Self-Reflection Gardens by the man himself, Alan Titchmarsh’s nephew, Jason. The remaining fourth car park, next to the Exec Building, will remain open. Special permits and a 10-digital barrier code (changed daily) are required to park here.

We will also start a 24-month review of electric vehicle charging on campus. In June 2021, we installed four electric vehicle car charge ports outside the Fred Dibnah School of Engineering. This has caused significant parking issues amongst the five staff with electric cars.

Please remember, the only zoom-zooming we want to hear are video calls, and not our Research Assistants’ 2003 Nissan Micras.

If you have any questions, please feel free to fax me.

Yours, Vice-Chancellor Vince Chancelier (He/VC)

We're a parody university, obviously. You can find us on Twitter at @BantshireUni.